Thank you.
- So, Candy, um... - Yes, hi.
That's not your real name, is it?
No. That is my real name.
Oh, so then what...
what's your stripper name?
- Pal! - What?
I don't know. What?
"Stage name"? I apologize.
But everybody's so touchy.
Well...
No, it's okay, um...
My stripper name is Margo.
Margo.
That's great.
Margo, that's good.
And... and Candywould work too,
for your, uh, stripper name.
That's just an opinion.
I'm sorry.
Don't... for what?
Don't you dare...
Don't you dare be sorry.
- Ever. About anything. - What are you doing?
- Come here.
Sorry! Don't... oh, my God, she feels so good.
Everywhere. Itjust feels good.
What? Pal, come on.
What? How do we look together?
Seriously, give me an honest answer. How do we look together?
- Oh, my God. - Amazing, right?
Good, right? Really... really good.
Right? Amazing.
- Right. - Oh, my God.
Did you see the thing?
- Babe, do you realize something? - What?
That I... the puppythat we would have together.
Un... can you imagine? Can you imagine?
- Really? - Casper and Candy?
Candy and Casper.
Oh, my God. It sounds right.
It's like it makes sense.
Right.
It's logical almost!
- You're crazy. - I love you.
- Stop it. - It's true.
- Stop. - I have to show you something, right now.
- Why? - Well, come on.
Oh, look a goose!
Where'd that come from?
Uh...
Thanks for going along with this.
It's okay. I'm hungry.
Oh, really?
I hearthe osso bucco's just amazing here.
All right.
What's the story?
What, the whole story? Orwhat... what...
what story do you want to hear?
No, I mean... we have some time here.
So, let's start with your name.
Why Solo?
Oh...
Well, uh, when I... when I was...
when I was younger... when I was born my, uh...
my mother considered giving me up for adoption...
several times. And then myfatherwasn't around
and she figured I'd end up alone,
one way or another, so she, uh...
she named me Solo.
That's it?
Mm-hmm.
Hippy shit.
That wasn't a long story.
I mean, the other dayyou told me it was a long story.
That wasn't. That was...
short. It was nice,
to the point. I liked it.
Well, I'm glad.
So then what happened?
Are you serious?
Well, I'm hoping that at some point we're going to get to the money
that you owe me but you know, - Oh, right, yeah.
I don't want to rush you or anything.
Yeah... is this making your eyes cross a little bit?
How long have you been a stripper?
How long have you been a writer?
Why are you a stripper?
What's the name of your book?
Itjust... itjust doesn't seem
like you're that kind of girl.
Look, I make a lot of moneytaking off my clothes.
You're a writer and you're broke,
so don'tjudge. What's the name of your book?
Do you reallywant to know?
Mm-hmm.
"The Naked Abyss. "
Piece of shit.
Thank you. You read it.
Yeah. I read it.
Really bad.
I mean, extraordinarily bad, exceptionally bad.
That was actually one of the reasons why it...
it stood out to me.
Well, I'm glad I left a mark.
No. Actually, there's good news.
Yeah, there is. I'm no longer a writer,
which is good news for you
and the rest of the book-reading world.
But bad news for me
because I can't even afford to buy dog food.
No. I remember reading it thinking:
"God, this guy is actually a really good writer.
What is he doing writing such a piece of shit?"
Well, look at that, ladies and gentlemen,
not only can she produce orgasm
without taking a single article of clothing off,
but she's a critic as well, with insight.
Wow, you're really a pervert.
I know, I know.
Hello!
We just, uh, made out in the parking lot.
He's a good kisser.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
How about that? Let's go back to my place.
Let's get the food to go.
We'll go back and we'll take some pictures
and do some fun stuff.
What do you say, Solo?
Solo?
Like your... that's your name-name, Solo?
No, honeyyou... you can't...
Your name is Candy.
You know, so, like, if you
had a name like Pam or Ruth or even Betsy,
you could saythat to him, but you can't
because your name is Candy.
Dude, you're soaking wet.
I'm sorry.
No, it's fine.
You know what I find really boring?
Besides my book?
Yeah, besides your book.
You know, the crazything
is that I couldn't agree with you more.
Every... everytime
somebodytells me they liked it,
I feel sick to my stomach.
It was a very successful novel, forthe record.
All right. Can we talk about me for a second?
Okay, yeah. Sorry.
All these girls who I work with,
they're always talking about
what they're going to do when they make enough money.
I mean, one's a painter, one's a singer...
Lots of artists.
Open a boutique, start their own clothing line.
I mean, everybody has something.
I... I don't know if they really believe it
or if it's just some sort of excuse they have
for justifying what they're doing with their lives.
But the point is...
I don't have an excuse, Solo.
It's what I do.
It's myjob.
I was a hairdresserfor six years,
a really good one.
And I make more money in one night
than I made cutting hairfortwo weeks.
So, I'm sorry about the water,
but sometimes people think differentlythan I do
and...
it makes me mad. It bums me out.
You know what? I'm a loser.
I... I'm... I'm...
I'm no one to judge you.
I...
I watch war documentaries
and I spend most of mytime in my apartment
eating Domino's pizza.
I... I...
I spent an astronomical amount of money
on therapy because I wrote a shitty book.
I owe people money, including you.
I... I... I'm lonely.
I'm tired.
And I'm just trying to figure it all out.
You know, I spent almost a year
in daily psychoanalysis
and the grand, overwhelming conclusion
is that I should buy a pet.
So you bought a dog.
Yeah. I bought a dog.
Well, I think that's commendable.
Oh good. Yeah.
The... the highlight since buying him
was when he shit all overthe linoleum
instead of the carpet.
But I'm glad you think that's commendable.
No, I do.
I think you're on the right track.
Yeah well, you know.
You have a dog.
No.
You got me. I don't.
Well, what about Vito?
Vito belongs to a friend.
I... walk him occasionally.
I mean, I get lonely, too.
See? I got things, you got things.
Life, it's a delicate...
- Negotiation. - Yes.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Is that what you were about to say?
Yeah.
Do you know a Dr. Nourmand?
What's his first name?
Oh...
Pal!
I'm sorry! She was doing stuff!
Oh, how are you?
Little kibble and bit.
Oh, look at her. What's her name?
It's a boy.
That's not mine.
Oh.
What do you guys want to drink?
Uh, whatever.
Please tell me you've named the dog.
Uh, yeah, I haven't really had time yet.
I have to shoot pictures of her right now.
You make them drinks, okay?
Well, what do you have?
Nothing, really.
Hey, hey, I know. He's a cute...
He's so cute.
So...
you haven't had time?
Uh, yeah, things have been really crazy.
You know, he doesn't really have drinks
or anything like that. - I'm not thirsty.
Oh, that's good.
You should name your dog.
Oh, I will. I will.
Hey, do you think she wants a drink?
Well, I don't think it matters if there's, you know...
Right. I guess not.
Uh, maybe we should go out and get some drinks.
I mean, we just... you know, I mean...
Well, it's 3:00 a. m.
Yeah.
Let me just go ask them really quickly.
Okay.
What are you doing?
Get out of here.
You know, I think I might have some drinks at my house
if you want to just go
and maybe we could hang out and talk and whatever
and have some drinks.
As long as you promise
never, everto saythe word "drinks" again.
- Yes, then... - Right. Okay.
I'd love to hang out with you.
Yeah. Okay, great.
Okay. All right.
Don't look at that.
Hey, baby, right here.
Yes! Yes!
Oh, holler at your boy!
Yes!
This is a sexy party and Candy's involved.
Candy's involv... Look at that.
Oh my God! Holler back!
You know, I've never actually liked small dogs.
I mean, the constant yapping for nothing.
But, I don't know, he has a big dog disposition.
You know, he looks at you like he thinks he's tough.
I think I like him.
Uh, can you just give me one second?
You know, I don't care if your place is messy.
It is. And I...
I... just give me one second, okay?
Okay.
Whew, your daddy has major issues.
What the fuck?
I don't have drinks. I said "drinks".
Yeah, you did.
Hey, do you want to just go somewhere?
You know, like, go somewhere and talk and whatever.
We can talk and...
I'm sorry. I'm being an idiot.
You're not being an idiot.
Oh, thanks.
It's getting late. Why don't we just call it a night?
No, it's not getting late.
Look...
I've had a... time.
Yeah, me too.
But I think maybe I should just go home.
Oh, okay, yeah. Can I come?
Man, that dog can eat.
Yeah, it's been awhile.
What?
I'm a terrible master.
You don't feed your dog?
No. I... I do. I feed him.
Uh, I tried to, you know,
but then I had to go, and then when I came back to get the food
it spilled all overthe place and then...
and, uh... he...
he doesn't like to, uh, eat peanut butter,
and so, uh...
I'm reallytired right now.
All right...
Um...
Why don't you relax?
What?
I don't know, like, take your shoes off...
Okay.
Make it comfy.
Relax.
Here, this is good for your back if you put it betw...
Yeah.
Do you want to lay down next to me?
Not so much.
Hypothetically speaking?
Not so much.
How come?
Let's just relax.
Okay.
I swore myself to celibacy.
Well, I said lay down, not take your clothes off.
But I...
I also said hypothetically speaking.
I mean, would you like to is more...
the question.
And I said, not so much.
I know. Twice.
- Why? - It's just not mything.
Well, it's not really mything, either.
And that's why I thought... it'd be nice.
No, really.
No, eat, sleep, therapy, repeat.
That's... that's... that's me.
I bet I haven't done the thing
longerthan you haven't done the thing.
Two years.
That's longerthan me.
Yeah.
No, I mean, I used to see guys who would come into the club
and each one, I'd think, "Oh, God, this is different. "
You know, "It's supposed to be. "
And, "It's meant to happen. It's fate. "
And...
nothing panned out.
Wait, you'd go home with guys from Cheetah's?
- Don'tjudge me! - Sorry.
- You're here. - That's different!
Yeah. See what I mean?
Yeah.
Hey...
He really likes you.
There's something that's special about this dog.
You know, it's funny you should say that.
Not that I would, but I could have sold him
for ten times the amount of what I paid for him
several times this week and it's only Friday.
It's Thursday.
Yeah. See?
There are people readyto pay big money
forthat little dog.
Really?
Yeah.
You can come with me.
Hello?
Hello, Lola?
Hello?
Doggie?
Casper!
- Casper! - Freeze!
- Oh, sorry. - Agh!
I'm sorry.
Don't everfucking do that again, man!
That was awful.
Fuck!
What is going on?
Your friend's a thief.
That's what's going on, all right?
What?
She's a dog thief. She stole my dog.
All right. Please just relax for one second, okay?
I still have a hard-on here.
Tell me what happened.
I went to sleep, I woke up, the dog was gone.
No Lola, no dog.
Okay, why would she steal your dog?
'Cause she's a thieving stripper!
I wouldn't steal your dog.
Oh, really? What if you thought
you could get a lot of money for him?
Uh. Well, then, yeah, I would.
Yeah. See? See?
No, no, no, just wait.
You woke up where?
At her house.
- Lola's? - Yeah.
Did you hit it?
No, I did not hit it!
Sorry.
Oh, man, I can't believe this horseshit!
All right, all right, all right.
Maybe... just throwing it out...
maybe she just took the dog for a walk?
That's interesting.
Why don't you just go back overthere and see?
Yeah, I'm just going to do that.
I'm going to go back to her house, you know.
The dog's probably there just chilling
and, you know, I'm making... going crazy.
I'm going to go back there.
She won't be there.
What? She's not? Why?
Because she has Legs 'N Eggs today.
Okay. What the fuck is Legs 'N Eggs?
Legs 'N Eggs is the, uh, the day shift...
at the club.
Oh, so she's at the place?
Yeah.
Okay. I'm going to the place.
Good luck.
Is that bad that I'd take the dog?
Lola, will you toss me that top?
Hey!
Are you kidding me?
Hi.
Lola, where's my dog?
I took him to your house.
Okay. I'm going to ask you one more time,
and I sw... Wait, why'd you do that?
I woke up, I took him for a walk.
When I got back, you weren't there
so I had to go to work. I...
So I thought I'd just take him to your house.
And the door was open so I just let him in.
I...
What? Is there a problem?
No. Was anybody there?
- I don't know. - Are you absolutely positive?
No. That's what I just said.
I don't know.
Right.
What? Did you think I stole him or something?
- No. No, I was just... - Okay.
I'm not... I...
I just didn't... I couldn't.
- I don't know where he is. - Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry.
Strange.
Pills, pills, gonna cure my ills
Do you want to fuck with me?
Now I'm pissed.
Fuck with me now.
I'm coming, little dog.
Yes, may I help you?
Yeah, I'm here to install the thing.
Pills, pills, gonna cure my ills
I don't believe I heard you correctly.
Excuse me.
Jules!
Hey, bitch?
Can I help you, sir?
Jules!
Where's the dog?
- Did you bring him? - Where is he?
This man would like to know where...
- Go away, Jeffrey. - Yes, madam.
- Scotch rocks, Jeffrey. - Right away, sir.
All right, where is he? And I swearto God
I'm not playing around.
Oh, look, he has testicles.
Where's who, fuck-face?
Okay, you know what? Don't do that.
Why don't... I... I just want my dog.
I... I want my dog right now.
Yeah, well, I wish I had him
so I could tell you to go fuck yourself.
What the hell is going on down here?
What the hell is he doing...
What are you doing here?
I'll be asking the questions here, fuck-face!
Where's the dog?
All right, what's with the "fuck-face"?
- I mean, really? - He doesn't have him.
All right, now I'm breaking your legs.
That's it.
All right, pal, put some clothes on.
20-year Macallan, sir.
Oh, thanks, Jeffrey.
Hey, Jeffrey, can you set me up
with one of those omelettes that you do?
Um, I'm starving here.
Right away, sir. Madam?
Go away, Jeffrey.
Yes, madam.
Hey, baby, be nice to Jeffrey. He's a good guy.
- Whatever. - What, she's "baby" now?
She's "baby"?
I mean, give me a fucking break here.
Well, if you must know, you nosy little prick,
We are now together.
You know, it's difficult in life
to find people with common interests.
- Oh! - Which is besides the point.
Where's the fucking dog?
He doesn't have the dog, stupid.
He thinks we have the dog.
We don't have the dog.
You really don't have the dog?
What did she just say, stupid?
Hey, where are the bodyguards?
Hospitalised.
Oh.
Oh! Uh!
Uh! A-ah!
- Ah! - Oh, get up.
I- I reallywant to apologize to you for earlier.
I was a complete asshole.
But I had a little bit of a freak-out
because last night when we went back to my place
and I walked in and there were two people
sleeping in my bed...
Do you mind if I sit down?
I am so sorry.
No, no, no, no. It's not yourfault.
- No, it is. - No, come on.
I feel like I could kill myself.
Don't do that.
I think I'm going to cry.
Okay, really, don't do that. I'm bad with that.
I... I would much rather you kill yourself.
Don't you want to cry?
I mean, maybe we should crytogether.
I just... I just can't figure it out.
No, I... I shut the door.
- I... I put him inside... - No, no, it's not that.
- and then I shut the door... - No, I believe you.
I just... I just feel like somebody's laughing at me.
Like I... I'm just trying and trying
and it's just impossible.
And I... I don't... I... I feel like I can't win.
Yeah, it sucks to care about something.
Everytime you do, it has a bad ending.
Come on. I'll take you home.
Three new messages.
First new mess...
Yo.
What's really good? It's me.
Tell him I said hi.
Candy says hi.
We're just, uh... we're just sitting here.
I hope you're okay.
Let me know if there's anything I can...
Hey!
Sorry, "we" can do.
And call me right away if you hear anything.
Message erased.
Next message, se...
Hey, it's Jules.
Yeah, we're just driving around right now
looking forthe bean.
Do me a favour, call my cell
and let us know if you find him or hear anything.
I'm gonna...
What? Oh.
Yeah. Benny says he's going to fuck you up
for breaking his nose.
Anyway, 310-613-21...
Message erased.
Next message, sent on...
Hey, this is Brad from Petlove.
Look, I don't know what kind of sick person you are.
I mean, from the few conversations we've had,
I assumed there was something wrong with you.
But had I known you were capable of something this low,
I neverwould have sold you the dog in the first place.
You really should consider some counselling, sicko.
I mean, you don't want the dog, fine.
There's millions of people that would love to have him.
Here's the deal.
I'm calling the Humane Society.
You want to talk? I'm here till 8:00.
Message saved.
End of messages.
What the fuck?
Doggie?
Look ahead as we pass
Try and focus on it
I won'tbe fooled
By a cheap cinematic trick
Itmust have been
Just a cardboard cut-out of a man
Top-40 cast-off from the record stand
Walkin'in L.A.
Nobodywalks in L.A. Walkin'in L.A.
Nobodywalks in L.A.
I don'tknow
Could have been a lame jogger, maybe
Or someone just aboutto do
The freeway strangler, baby
Shopping cartpusher or maybe someone groovy
One thing's for sure
He isn't starring in the movies
'Cause he's walkin' in L.A.
Walkin'in L.A.
Onlya nobody walks in L.A.
Walkin'in L.A.
Nobody walks in L.A. Walkin'in L.A.
Onlya nobody walks in L.A.
Walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin'
Nobody's walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin'
Nobodywalks in L.A.
Are you trying to tell me that dog
walked all the way over here by itself?
That's what I'm telling you, Brad.
You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox.
looks like it's going to rain today
in this fuckin' hole.
I am so fuckin' overthe moon it's not funny.
Well, maybe it's betterthis way.
Who knows?
I think I might marrythis girl.
Candy. I really like her.
I'll kill you, pal. I'll kill you.
Oh, get the fuck outta here.
Look at this.
Bang!
Hey!
How'd he do that?
How the fuck did he learn how to do that?
I don't know. I don't know.
He does it when he hears a horn, too.
I think that when he ran away
he had a close call with a car or something,
and thought he was dead.
Hey. Hey you.
- Hey! - Hey.
Bang!
Not for me. It's all right.
It's good that you have it and I don't.
Hello.
Ugh!
Really, lady, just relax, okay?
It's just underwear.
Well, I think you're making the right decision.
- You do? - I do.
It's not some sort of repeat abandonment thing or anything?
I don't know. Is it?
Okay, don't do that.
Don't do what?
Okay, you're still doing it.
Why did you buythe dog?
So... so I could love it.
Okay. Then why are you doing
what you're doing now?
Just because I think it's the right thing to do.
Good. Now out of what place?
Out of what place are you going to do it?
I mean is it, what, fear?
Uh, confusion?
Is it frustration?
I mean, is just that you simply can't handle it?
No.
Then what is it?
It's love.
It's Howard, bythe way.
What?
My name.
Howard.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, you're all wet.
Come... come in.
No, wait... you know,
I wanted to show you something really quickly.
Oh, my God! You found him.
Where was he?
Hi, little buddy. Oh, where was he?
Oh, it's a long story.
Oh, come in. I totallywant to hear it.
Well, uh, actually, I g... I got to go.
I, uh... I'm... I'm taking off for a little bit.
Afriend of mine just bought a hotel up in...
up in Needles, New Mexico, and I...
and I thought that, uh... well, I...
I kind like the way it sounded, Needles, New Mexico.
It has a nice alliteration.
Anyway, I... I thought it would be a good idea to...
to, uh... to get away and tryto get some writing done.
Right.
And, uh...
I just wanted to say goodbye and...
thank you. And, uh...
And what?
Well, I-I want you to have him.
What?
You're wrong.
It's good to love something.
Painful or not, it's worth it.
I think... I think the onlything worse
than having something and living with the fear of losing it
is not having it and... and looking back with regret.
'Cause life is a... is a delicate negotiation.
And I know it's none of my business,
but I think you should go back to cutting hair.
I... I... It's just an opinion.
You can take it or leave it.
I can't take your dog, Solo.
No, you need him.
No. Why not?
Believe me, I...
I want him but he think he's...
he's much better off with you.
He's safer, anyway.
You can... you can have... Do you want him?
I do. Yeah, I do.
I do.
Good. Good.
That's good.
Well, I'm going to leave before I start crying, okay?
Okay. Oh, I... I name...
I named him, bythe way.
You can change it if you want, but I named him Spot.
Spot? You named him Spot?
Yeah, no, I just thought, you know, something normal.
Uh, solid dog name, you know.
But he doesn't have any spots.
I know. Well, you can change it if you want.
Really? You won't mind?
Uh, no, no, not really. No.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
I don't know what to say.
No, that's okay. All right, okay.
I'm... I'm gonna...
- Needles? - Yeah.
- New Mexico. - Yeah.
Right.
Bye, Spot.
I love you.
You didn't walk here, did you?
This is Jonesy here from Jonesy's Jukebox.
My neighbour's got this fuckin' dog
that don't stop barking.
I'm thinking of ways to kill it.
The best I could come up with
was you get a bunch of fuckin' rattlesnakes,
you sling 'em overthe yard.
Baby ones, 'cause they really sting
and they don't know when to stop putting in the venom.
And then one of them's going to get the fuckin' dog,
is going to kill it and no one's going to get blamed
'cause they're going think it's a natural fuckin' thing.
You know what I mean? It's a snake.
It's not like me going overthere
with poison and poisoning the bastard.
I think that's the best one.
I think that's what I'm gonna do.
You're listening to Jonesy.
Take it away, me old son.